I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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