That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
