My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
