piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
