i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
