I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He passed out mid-signature
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Are we still banned from the library?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
