Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Randomize
