I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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