areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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