I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
