I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
