This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
