Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
