My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
