Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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