We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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