I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
