He uses pillows to masturbate.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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