but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
