I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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