The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
