No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
