i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He shit in the fireplace
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
