remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
