By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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