Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
