oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
