think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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