i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
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