I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
