I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
