You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
