No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
