Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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