Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
