I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
