Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
