Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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