Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
