Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
