Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
