omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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