I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
