How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
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