All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
