I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
