Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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