I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
