every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
