That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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