Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
