To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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