Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
